jimowenswrites

Reflections on Life, Leadership, Mindfulness, Change, and other Important Stuff

Month: May, 2017

If it had been a snake

it’s an uneasy thing to be taken by surprise, like this, when the clouds of confusion glide past the lurking sun and the bright light of awareness suddenly shines on my face and I realize the answer had been there all the time;

 

whenever my mother would help me find something that was lost or misplaced, like a book or my keys, or my wallet, she would say—actually, she still does—“If it had been a snake it would have bitten you,” when the thing was so right there in front of me that I just couldn’t see it;

 

it’s that same disoriented feeling of fear and excitement when you’re driving on some familiar piece of highway, lost in your thoughts, and you suddenly notice something and ask yourself, “has that always been there?” And for a minute you your heart beats a little faster and you get kind of afraid because you think maybe you’ve missed your turn, or worse, that you’re lost;

 

but then you realize you’re actually on the right path, and even though it seemed like it was taking longer to get there than you thought it would—than you thought it would—you’ve been on the right road all along;

 

it’s an uneasy thing—but a really wonderful, peaceful thing—to be taken by surprise like that, when you’ve been looking so hard for the answer and wanting to do the right thing and it has been there right in front of you all of the time and if it had been a snake it would have bitten you.

The Lessons and The Teachers

When the tears won’t

come

or the ache won’t

leave;

 

When that

hollow

cavernous place,

deep within in my belly,

cannot

be

filled;

 

When everything,

everything,

that once was is now nothing,

nothing more than a memory,

taunting;

 

When the road before me seems like  an

endless,

barren,

desert,

and when my restless thoughts

are but a frightened mare,

racing,

racing blindly,

alone,

alone into the darkness;

 

And when, for a moment,

just one moment,

I think I hear that voice,

and my heart leaps,

and I’m suddenly awash,

bathed in hope,

hearing the vague tune of

reprieve;

 

Or when familiar footsteps are

nothing,

nothing more than deceit,

the vain deceit

of

unfulfilled dreams;

 

And when grief,

wretched beautiful grief,

swells within me,

like the

boiling

hot

waters

of some fissure far beneath the surface,

waiting,

waiting to erupt;

 

I know.

Yes.

Yes, I know.

 

And somehow,

Somehow,

despite it all,

I smile,

overwhelmed with gratitude,

gratitude for these lessons

and

for the ones who taught them.