We are one, you and I

by jimowensjr

I remember how you sobbed sometimes,

your body convulsing from learning just how hard the world can be,

I remember your tears and sadness and

how they were mine, and how somehow we were two,

you and I, and yet one;

 

I remember how I searched for you,

calling your name over and over and over,

pressing down the panic that made me tremble inside

when you played your trick, and

how I feared some terrible thing had befallen you,

and I remember my relief resolving into anger, when I finally

heard you move in your small, dark hiding place, and I found you,

silly child;

 

I remember how you were afraid

to come out from your hiding place and

how I held you and told you not to do that any more and not to be afraid,

and how tightly I squeezed you and how

I told you I wasn’t really mad,

Just scared;

 

When I watched you from the kitchen window,

tromping about in the woods, the dogs following you and

you wearing those black rubber boots that came up almost to your knees and

that little blue and green sundress, I remember thinking you didn’t know I was watching,

how I always watched over you, begging God or the Universe or just Fate

to keep you free from harm when I wasn’t there to protect you;

 

I still do, begging pauper that I am, even though you don’t realize it,

or maybe even want me to, but I do. I can’t help it.

We are separate, us two, or so you might believe,

but I think we will always be one, somehow;

 

Time and distance and life,

the choices we’ve made, you and I,

they keep us apart, for now, and sometimes,

when it is late, or I am exhausted, or when I have had too much coffee, or

I just can’t settle down to sleep,

I feel the cold, piercing, wonderful dagger in my heart

That reminds me we are one,

you and I;

 

Most of the time the sweet pain is just a dull ache,

like the white noise of traffic that you don’t even really notice any more,

because it’s just always there, but when I do notice,

I try to let it remind me of how much you’ve been through,

how much you must ache and I wonder if you

feel the same stabbing blade of separation;

 

And I remember that we are one,

you and I.

 

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